we made out on top of his cat.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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