I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
