Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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