hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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