From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
