Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
