I'm lost and stupid without you.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
