Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
