I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
