There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
