his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
