You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
