Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
