thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
