I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
