8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
