you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
