Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
