I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
