he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
