everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
