i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize