All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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