i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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