enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
