every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
