also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
