she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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