My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize