you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
