stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
