By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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