i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize