The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm at about main and main street
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
