I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
