Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize