I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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