Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
handjob tips. give me some.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
