Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
