I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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