One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
this just has baby written all over it
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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