Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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