he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
