So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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