May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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