so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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