so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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