Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
