She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
