Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
