Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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