The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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