my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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