Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
