I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize