I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
