oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
