she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
this will be a night to untag.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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