sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
