she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
