U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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