so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
