its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
