your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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