chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
