I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
