P.S. I can't hear my feet
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
