I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
