the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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