Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
