so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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