Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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