btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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