Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
