woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
