Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
