Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
