it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
