so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
