Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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