Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
