I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
