watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
