You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
