I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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