We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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