Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
