I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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