i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
