If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
