I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
