I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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