As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize