no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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